i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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