they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
