She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
