I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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