You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
