So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
