All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
