How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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