we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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