My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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