First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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