it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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