Sober January is a disaster.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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