I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize