He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
