Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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