all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
