Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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