It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
