I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
