i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
