My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
