Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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