my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
