You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Houston, we have a blender
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are a genius and a whore.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
