Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
