i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
