My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
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Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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