Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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