had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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