i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
