i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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