forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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