Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
