Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
