I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
