After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
