He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
