The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
