we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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