I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So apparently I’m into choking now
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