This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Drake has all the answers
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
