I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Even my vagina gasped.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have started to decorate penises.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We're too hungover to prance.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
