If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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