I am in a vortex of obligation.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
