it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
