just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
