6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found puke in my bra..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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