jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can I color on your dick again?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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