8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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