dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
