You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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