never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
