# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
