So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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