y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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