Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
