you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
