Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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