You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
