Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize