Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
