Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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