Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
