She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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