im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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