I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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