you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
